I`m tired of being this person, being expected to fall into the format, & twist into what everyone else expects me to be. I`ve changed so much in the past few years, jumping from one thing to another, making so many mistakes. Trying to grow up. I constantly remind myself of the past, & how I must change to keep the person who is my everything, my only safe haven. I`m scared of losing my imagination, because when life gets hard, & everyone's against me, it`s all I can do is pretend. I`ve been lied to, betrayed, & back stabbed, by my best friends, & even my own family, I just can`t take it anymore. I miss being a kid, & wish I could turn back time. Looking back, things seemed so great then. I was actually happy with my life. I have flaws, I`m so unhappy with them, but I put up a front. Little things irritate me, & I`m so indecisive. I hate how I ramble on, about my weaknesses. If I`m happy, I`m automatically being fake, if I'm upset, I'm automatically too expressive. I have few legitimate reasons to hate the world, nothing ever seems to go my way. I used to be good at manipulating people, good at getting what I wanted. We only tend to see the hurt in our life, to hold on to the negative, but isn't that all we can do? I have to keep fighting, have to keep letting the people I love, know that I'm willing to make sacrifices for them. I need to learn to accept that things aren`t all about me, that even if I`m not happy, then the happiness of the people I love is what counts. I need to continue to grow, to change, & mature. I hate being stuck in the middle, seeing everything only at eye level. I`m tired of wishing I was a character in a book, that the villain would get his payback, & everyone would live happily ever after. I miss the dream world I used to live in, & I regret waking up, regret being hurt, & hurting people in return. Ignorance is bliss, & sometimes, I really wish I didn`t know any better. I want to become religious again, to feel at one, & know that even if everyone on earth hates me that God is right there by my side, guiding me. I want to feel the power of prayer, & cry from being happy, from knowing that things are always going to be okay. I`m done with drama, lying & sin. I'm not trying to be perfect, I`m not trying to be something I`m not. I just want to live, & laugh, & be happy. I want to finish school, marry the special him, & start a family. I`m like an open book, my feelings are shown on my sleeves. I'm clumsy, & break things. I fall down, especially in front of people. I can be uptight, but my laugh is contagious. I want everyone to experience peace, know how good things can be, so they`ll strive harder for it. All is not fair, in love, it never will be.